The Let's all laugh at Spurs Thread

[Arsene Nose]

The greatest piss take in the history of the internet has arrived. And life will never be the same again
https://mobile.twitter.com/spursenal

[matelot]

Spurs the team that keeps giving..

[LegendaryKeown]

Spurs the team that keeps giving..

Who're Arsenal playing in the Champions League?

[Zedie]

Spurs the team that keeps giving..

Who're Arsenal playing in the Champions League?

Question is, who will spurs be playing when they join us in Europa.

[Angelito]

Workers on Spurs' new White Hart Lane stadium 'off their heads on cocaine' during construction

Tottenham Hotspur have been hit with fresh allegations over their delayed new stadium that workers on-site have been drinking and drug-taking and that the problems with the 60,062-capacity project have in part been caused by chaotic management of a workforce that peaked at 4,000.

Industry magazine Construction News levelled a range of allegations against Mace, who have managed the building of Spurs’ new home which was originally scheduled to open last Saturday for the Premier League game against Liverpool. It was alleged by one unnamed source that when the site was at capacity “there were people off their heads, drinking cans first thing in the morning before going on to site and snorting coke in the toilets”.

It is alleged that Mace’s role as a construction manager, with subcontractors dealing directly with the club rather than answering to Mace themselves has contributed to a lack of co-ordination on the site of the stadium, currently estimated to cost £850 million. This led to one Construction News source alleging “what should take a week normally takes a month, because of the sheer scale of it, but also because the communication is horrendous”.

The club will continue to play at Wembley for the foreseeable future, a decision announced on Aug 13 by chairman Daniel Levy and one which required changes to the fixture list as well as the moving of the NFL game scheduled to be played there on Oct 14. At the time the club said that testing at the new stadium revealed “issues with the critical safety systems”.

In September, Spurs said that their Premier League game against Manchester City on Oct 28 would be postponed for 24 hours and they will play their Carabao Cup third-round tie against Watford next Wednesday at MK Dons’ stadium in Milton Keynes. All three home Champions League group fixtures will now be played at Wembley.

Construction News estimates that the stadium will not be ready until January although neither Mace nor Spurs were prepared to put a timeline on its likely completion.

Levy said earlier this month that the delay was “disappointing, costly and frustrating” but that he would be “uncompromising” in his effort “to deliver something extraordinary to our fans”.

Mace rejected the suggestion that the contract it had with Tottenham to manage the site and the various subcontractors was unusual in the construction business and said that many of its projects, including the transformation of Battersea Power Station, work along the same lines. Under this model the club negotiates an individual price with each of its subcontractors and the construction manager does not hold as much liability when meeting deadlines for the project.

It was alleged by Construction News that in one case electrical wiring was twice installed and twice ripped out because electricians had not been told that air-conditioning that needed to be fitted first had not yet been completed. While Mace was unable to comment on individual events on a site that has been operating for 15 months, it did indicate that occasional mistakes were inevitable on a project of this size.

The company says that it has a rigorous drug-testing policy from chief executive level down and any worker found under the influence of illegal substances would immediately be taken off the site. It had not been informed of any drug abuse or drinking on-site and would have acted upon it had that been the case.

In a statement the company said: “Mace strongly refutes the image of our project painted by these anonymous allegations. The health, safety and well-being of everybody is, and has always been, a core value at Mace and any suggestion that our rigorous standards around best practice or drugs and alcohol had been broken would be taken extremely seriously. We carry out regular random drugs and alcohol testing to ensure that our rules are enforced throughout our supply chain. Any concerns about specific health and safety risks should have been flagged to Mace health and safety staff on the project.

Timeline | How stadium crisis unfolded

July 2007
Tottenham board confirm proposals for developments at White Hart Lane site.

July 2015
The club agree 10-year NFL partnership to host a minimum of two American football games a year.

Dec 2015
After revisions a plan for 62,000-seater stadium and development is approved by Haringey Council, including the demolition of locally listed buildings.

2016-2017
Building starts, and White Hart Lane is completely demolished after the last day of the season.

Aug 2018
The club holds four test events amid hopes the stadium will host Premier League match on Sept 15, against Liverpool.

Aug 13
Tottenham confirm opening will be delayed until October due to “critical safety system” problems.

Sept 1
The club says it is still hopeful of games being played at the stadium by end of next month.

“The new Tottenham Hotspur stadium is one of the UK’s most complex and innovative projects. The club and the construction team are working diligently to complete the iconic stadium as soon as possible. Although these delays are obviously frustrating, once complete the new stadium is going to leave a fantastic, lasting legacy and will be a project everyone involved will be proud to be associated with.

“As you would expect, the number of operatives on site has reduced as sections of the stadium have begun to complete, in line with our programme.”

[Nuggets]

I just pray that there was an Arsenal fan working on the new stadium and buried an arsenal shirt under the pitch

[UFGN]

Every time the plant a seed, kill it before it grows

- Arsenal fan Bab Marley haunting the scum from beyond the grave

[Phil71]

A teacher in an infant school asks the kids to tell her what their fathers do at weekends.

Little David puts his hand up. “My Dad goes fishing Miss.”

“Oh right?” says the teacher, “Yes...my own father loves fishing..... and what about you, Katie.” she asks a little girl. “My Dad goes shopping with my mum,” she replies.

The teacher spots little Johnny hiding at the back of the class. “And you, Johnny?” she says, “What does your Dad do at weekends?”

“My Dad Miss?” he replies.

“Yes Johnny,” she says, “Your Dad.”

“My Dad Miss...” he says, “My Dad Miss... he errr.... he... he dances naked in a cage that hangs in the air in a gay S&M club in Soho.”

All the kids in the class gasped. The teacher called little Johnny to the front of the class, and putting a hand on his shoulder, she asked quietly, “Does he really do that, Johnny?”

“No, not really Miss,” whispers Johnny, cupping his hands over the teacher’s ear, “He really goes to watch Tottenham play, but don’t tell anyone Miss.”

[Phil71]

They’re playing their first home game not at Wembley tonight!

In Milton Keynes.

[Ach]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/45586929

Greatest stadium ever apparently

[SuperJackyWilshere]

Here we go. Meltdown

[Phil71]

I heard yesterday that they have sacked off the company that were providing the sprinkler and drainage system because it failed various tests incl H&S.

The now have a new company in working 12 hour days to rip out the old system and install a new one.

There's no way they'll be in that stadium this season.

[EliteKiller]

I heard yesterday that they have sacked off the company that were providing the sprinkler and drainage system because it failed various tests incl H&S.

The now have a new company in working 12 hour days to rip out the old system and install a new one.

There's no way they'll be in that stadium this season.

Then why are they laying the pitch today?

[Zedie]

I heard yesterday that they have sacked off the company that were providing the sprinkler and drainage system because it failed various tests incl H&S.

The now have a new company in working 12 hour days to rip out the old system and install a new one.

There's no way they'll be in that stadium this season.

Fire sprinklers can be done easily (If they're externally mounted and not buried under miles of finished ceiling lol).

The drainage is the bigger problem as if they have to dig up installed runs, that's basically paying twice for everything thst goes on top ie various build ups, electrics, paving, floor finishes etc.

Retrofit is expensive for a reason unless you surface fit everything which they won't do.

Plus there's the insurance/warranty implications of bringing in new contractors, who will always slag off the last guys install and charge more to rectify. Plus, good luck getting someone to warrant work or aspects or work they didn't so lol.

f***ing levy is so tight, he really thought he could direct build a stadium instead of letting out a design and build stadium and it's now costing them massively.

Happy days

[Zedie]

Ps I would give my right arm to have a look at their variation schedule and current cost sum analysis.