Goonersworld

You're both morons.

When you're sat your legs are spread more so there is easier access to your arsehole, but when you're standing you're cheeks are closer together. Far greater chance of getting crap spread around yourself.

I put my legs on the wall and hover like I'm doing the splits.

WHOSE ARSEHOLE IS MORE SPREAD NOW?

Can honestly say that I've never managed to spread shit around myself. Maybe it's because I don't turn into a quivering mess when I touch my own arse?

both are extremely painful with a slip disc , sitting once seated is where its at with a slipped disc.

Callum wrote:You're both morons.

When you're sat your legs are spread more so there is easier access to your arsehole, but when you're standing you're cheeks are closer together. Far greater chance of getting crap spread around yourself.

im swoll as f**k and my ass is huge, so sitting is absolutely a no go.

lol @ sitting down

Git wrote:Easier to see if you're still dirty or clean when you stand up too.

Don't agree

I refuse to believe that 38% of people are utter barbarians

This is shocking, I was happier when I was blissfully unaware

SchlandGooner wrote:

Git wrote:Easier to see if you're still dirty or clean when you stand up too.

Don't agree

If I could do that I wouldn't be thinking about the things I could do with my arse.

Blow job city.

Git is killing this thread!!!!!!

If only there were stories, it could rival the 'ever shit yourself' thread.

Mods, could my vote be changed please. I explained earlier that I voted thinking it was something to do with stadiums

I sit down and wipe with neatly folded paper

I sit, I dump, I flush (not many choose to flush at this point) I mop, I fold, I mop, I dispose, I flush (and brush if required) I stand, I dress, I put seat and lid down, I wash hands, rinse, dry and depart.

There's nothing more to it. Some of you people need to take a seriously long look in the mirror at yourselves.

Only in desperate circumstances have I ever deviated from the above routine. While on holiday during the summer, a tour of Europe in a wanky campervan, I arrived at a campsite in a backwards, slightly dirty, dingey little country called France. These barbaric, 18th century throwbacks didn't think a toilet seat was necessary on the communal throne. Well, without a seat it's not so much a throne as a frame. I looked at this pan, pondered momentarily how I was going to go about my business. I'd left it late, and finding another trap was simply out of the question. I pulled down my shreddies, hovered my arse over the seatless pan below, and fired a few chunks into the watery abyss. I flushed, as part of my routine, and then reached for the paper. Single-Ply, single sheets. For all the good they were going to do, I may as well have put them over the graffiti and done some f***ing tracing. The smearing was a predictable issue, countered by a good firm wipe and a reverse wipe back against the grain. All done from a squatting position, cheeks spread with a solid posture holding a good lean.

I'm not a fan of squatting, you can become a little off balance mid-mop. I didn't get dirty or wet, but it could've easily become brutal.

whee wrote:I sit, I dump, I flush (not many choose to flush at this point) I mop, I fold, I mop, I dispose, I flush (and brush if required) I stand, I dress, I put seat and lid down, I wash hands, rinse, dry and depart.

There's nothing more to it. Some of you people need to take a seriously long look in the mirror at yourselves.

Only in desperate circumstances have I ever deviated from the above routine. While on holiday during the summer, a tour of Europe in a wanky campervan, I arrived at a campsite in a backwards, slightly dirty, dingey little country called France. These barbaric, 18th century throwbacks didn't think a toilet seat was necessary on the communal throne. Well, without a seat it's not so much a throne as a frame. I looked at this pan, pondered momentarily how I was going to go about my business. I'd left it late, and finding another trap was simply out of the question. I pulled down my shreddies, hovered my arse over the seatless pan below, and fired a few chunks into the watery abyss. I flushed, as part of my routine, and then reached for the paper. Single-Ply, single sheets. For all the good they were going to do, I may as well have put them over the graffiti and done some f***ing tracing. The smearing was a predictable issue, countered by a good firm wipe and a reverse wipe back against the grain. All done from a squatting position, cheeks spread with a solid posture holding a good lean.

I'm not a fan of squatting, you can become a little off balance mid-mop. I didn't get dirty or wet, but it could've easily become brutal.

you flush twice? wow you might as well go to africa and laugh at the poor kids there.

^ Lol.

Plus, don't you get splash back all over your balls when you flush when sitting... or do you like that?

People who stand, question: do you have to pull a cheek (in order to spread a little) with your non wiping hand?

22-0 wrote:

whee wrote:I sit, I dump, I flush (not many choose to flush at this point) I mop, I fold, I mop, I dispose, I flush (and brush if required) I stand, I dress, I put seat and lid down, I wash hands, rinse, dry and depart.

There's nothing more to it. Some of you people need to take a seriously long look in the mirror at yourselves.

Only in desperate circumstances have I ever deviated from the above routine. While on holiday during the summer, a tour of Europe in a wanky campervan, I arrived at a campsite in a backwards, slightly dirty, dingey little country called France. These barbaric, 18th century throwbacks didn't think a toilet seat was necessary on the communal throne. Well, without a seat it's not so much a throne as a frame. I looked at this pan, pondered momentarily how I was going to go about my business. I'd left it late, and finding another trap was simply out of the question. I pulled down my shreddies, hovered my arse over the seatless pan below, and fired a few chunks into the watery abyss. I flushed, as part of my routine, and then reached for the paper. Single-Ply, single sheets. For all the good they were going to do, I may as well have put them over the graffiti and done some f***ing tracing. The smearing was a predictable issue, countered by a good firm wipe and a reverse wipe back against the grain. All done from a squatting position, cheeks spread with a solid posture holding a good lean.

I'm not a fan of squatting, you can become a little off balance mid-mop. I didn't get dirty or wet, but it could've easily become brutal.

you flush twice? wow you might as well go to africa and laugh at the poor kids there.

Why would I want to sit there with the smell of shit filling my nostrils, when I can flush and then enjoy mopping.

My bellend gets wet when I stand up and piss, due to the impressive length of the thing. I'm hardly going to be surprised with a bit of splash back to the testes when I flush.