Ever shit yourself before?

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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby whee » Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:30 am

Did I ever tell you lads about the time I shat myself before sitting on Chris Akabusi's knee for a photograph at school?
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby whee » Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:55 am

I don't believe I did...

...Again, as a school kid of maybe 6 or 7 - we were getting a visit from Chris Akabusi for some charity awareness.

I'm stood in the line waiting for my turn to meet the grinning pleb, suffering from a stomach ache where i've held this turd in all morning. It happened, right there in the queue. I filled my shreddies, thankfully we're talking one solid log, as opposed to a liquid mess smearing up my arse cheeks and staining my skimps.

I made a comment of "phwoar, that stinks" trying to pass the attention from the overwhelming stench of log filling the corridor. The girl in front of me turns around and looks disgusted - the silly little tart would've done well to keep her nose out of my business.... unfortunately, her nose was being infiltrated by the business that had occured! It's her turn, she looks relieved to be moving from the corridor.

The teacher at the front of the line looks down at me, asks if i'm ok. Bold as brass, with my pants filled with shit, I said "yeah, i'm great thanks" - she knew. I knew, she knew. She looked concerned and said "let me know if you feel unwell ok?" - Off I twaddled, feeling this turdy nugget between wedged between my cheeks and undercrackers.

Akabusi lifted me up, plonked me on his knee, grinned at the camera, and then moved me on. He didn't bat an eyelid. I often wonder if he tells a story about having some "kid who'd shit himself" sitting on his lap at a school visit once. I really hope so!

I went home "unwell" soon after.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Zedie » Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:10 am

whee wrote:I don't believe I did...

...Again, as a school kid of maybe 6 or 7 - we were getting a visit from Chris Akabusi for some charity awareness.

I'm stood in the line waiting for my turn to meet the grinning pleb, suffering from a stomach ache where i've held this turd in all morning. It happened, right there in the queue. I filled my shreddies, thankfully we're talking one solid log, as opposed to a liquid mess smearing up my arse cheeks and staining my skimps.

I made a comment of "phwoar, that stinks" trying to pass the attention from the overwhelming stench of log filling the corridor. The girl in front of me turns around and looks disgusted - the silly little tart would've done well to keep her nose out of my business.... unfortunately, her nose was being infiltrated by the business that had occured! It's her turn, she looks relieved to be moving from the corridor.

The teacher at the front of the line looks down at me, asks if i'm ok. Bold as brass, with my pants filled with shit, I said "yeah, i'm great thanks" - she knew. I knew, she knew. She looked concerned and said "let me know if you feel unwell ok?" - Off I twaddled, feeling this turdy nugget between wedged between my cheeks and undercrackers.

Akabusi lifted me up, plonked me on his knee, grinned at the camera, and then moved me on. He didn't bat an eyelid. I often wonder if he tells a story about having some "kid who'd shit himself" sitting on his lap at a school visit once. I really hope so!

I went home "unwell" soon after.


:hail:
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Va-Va-Voom » Wed Feb 18, 2015 2:02 pm

whee wrote:I don't believe I did...

...Again, as a school kid of maybe 6 or 7 - we were getting a visit from Chris Akabusi for some charity awareness.

I'm stood in the line waiting for my turn to meet the grinning pleb, suffering from a stomach ache where i've held this turd in all morning. It happened, right there in the queue. I filled my shreddies, thankfully we're talking one solid log, as opposed to a liquid mess smearing up my arse cheeks and staining my skimps.

I made a comment of "phwoar, that stinks" trying to pass the attention from the overwhelming stench of log filling the corridor. The girl in front of me turns around and looks disgusted - the silly little tart would've done well to keep her nose out of my business.... unfortunately, her nose was being infiltrated by the business that had occured! It's her turn, she looks relieved to be moving from the corridor.

The teacher at the front of the line looks down at me, asks if i'm ok. Bold as brass, with my pants filled with shit, I said "yeah, i'm great thanks" - she knew. I knew, she knew. She looked concerned and said "let me know if you feel unwell ok?" - Off I twaddled, feeling this turdy nugget between wedged between my cheeks and undercrackers.

Akabusi lifted me up, plonked me on his knee, grinned at the camera, and then moved me on. He didn't bat an eyelid. I often wonder if he tells a story about having some "kid who'd shit himself" sitting on his lap at a school visit once. I really hope so!

I went home "unwell" soon after.


Pure gold!

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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Zenith » Wed Feb 18, 2015 3:45 pm

whee :hail:
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby UFGN » Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:58 pm

Do you reckon you get self-defication threads on other football forums? Is there an equivalent thread on Bluemoon for example, or Red Cafe?

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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Yorkyblue » Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:05 pm

I thought it was taken from Blue Moon when it started on here cause I remember there being an active thread a week or so before.

EDIT: Found it http://forums.bluemoon-mcfc.co.uk/viewt ... =#p2446866
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby UFGN » Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:09 pm

Yorkyblue wrote:I thought it was taken from Blue Moon when it started on here cause I remember there being an active thread a week or so before.

EDIT: Found it http://forums.bluemoon-mcfc.co.uk/viewt ... =#p2446866



Go and find the thread and post a link so we can see which is best
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Yorkyblue » Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:09 pm

I must of just edited when you pressed quote.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby UFGN » Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:15 pm

While she was gone I thought I'd squeeze a fart out. Well some kind of weird shit-bubble exploded in my jeans and splashed up my lower-back, it stunk to high heaven and it stained my kecks and the bottom of my tshirt.



:lol:

From Blue Moon. Theirs is 24 pages long :(
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby CynicalGooner » Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:17 pm

UFGN wrote:
While she was gone I thought I'd squeeze a fart out. Well some kind of weird shit-bubble exploded in my jeans and splashed up my lower-back, it stunk to high heaven and it stained my kecks and the bottom of my tshirt.



:lol:

From Blue Moon. Theirs is 24 pages long :(

Only 25 more posts though
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Vinny » Wed Feb 18, 2015 10:48 pm

Fantastic thread and made me laugh a few times.

Anybody beat 3 times in one day ?
Driving from Galway to Mayo one morning for an extremely important appointment.
Out the night before and wasn't feeling the best but set out with plenty of time to spare.

Anyway it turned into the longest drive of my life due to a serious dose of the scuts.
I changed boxers 3 times, suits twice and had to buy wet wipes and a blanket for my car seat !!

Talk about a nightmare, trying to get from garage to garage in a sparsely populated part of Ireland. Some had them locked and had to go in to the shop to get the key while fisting myself and walking with one leg.

To top it all the accountant would not reimburse me for the blanket !

Think I still have it.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby whee » Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:27 am

Jesus wept, we're a bunch of slack-hooped sharters.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby EvAMY-CRAIGLEEAFC » Mon Feb 23, 2015 11:05 pm

Oh glad there have been a few more stories put on this thread. Apart from ones about our team this is the best on this forum. I have been laughing big time.
I want Carl Jenkinson back in a Arsenal shirt next season.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Callum » Sat Apr 11, 2015 2:00 pm

At work now and I can feel it coming. Can't go for another 15 mins though. This could get nervy.
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