Ever shit yourself before?

[Git]

Absolute hero.

[Zedie]

Impossible to top GunnGunn's tale of fecal mirth but :
Back in the '80's , my first wife 'n I were on holiday somewhere in Spain , I forget now . It was an exceptionally sultry , sticky evening . The sun was going down I recall . Our hotel was at the top of a hill , quite steep and bending the road was . We'd spent a few hours in the town doing the usual stuff and we were walking back , when she got a lightning strike of Montezuma's Revenge , and she needed the thunder box pronto , like yesterday ! She was paralyzed with cramps and couldn't walk , so I suggested she hop on my back and we'd double time it piggy back to the hotel ( I was fit then and I knew I could make the hill easy , despite the heat ) . Well , two hundred yards or so on my quest for porcelain salvation and boom... She dropped a bucket load of fizzy gravy all down my arse crack . I could feel it squidging as I ran . The shame of it ! I took my T shirt off , picked her up fireman's lift style , and covered her putrid posterior with it , and ran on up to our room , molasses running down my legs with each stride and liquid gold dribbling over my fingers on the back of her slippery legs . We stood with our backs to the wall in the lift , needless to say . I'm sure that anyone who saw us thought it was me with the prolapse problem , not her . The smell was , well , shall we say " memorable " .
How we laughed about it over the ensuing years . Good times .
Always breaks the ice at parties , that story .

Dont know who I would choose to direct this. John woo or tarantino.

f**k it, it has to be spielberg, the work he did on saving private ryan would be perfect for transferring this tale of love, determination and bravery in the face of adversity to the big screen.

Role of Porter: christian Bale
Role of Porters missus: scarlett johansson
Supporting cast: butt gravy

I salute you.

[EvAMY-CRAIGLEEAFC]

I would not help my Mrs out in the same way he did. I admit it. Yuk.

[ivan itchybum]

Lol, heroic stuff

[ThereIsBearCüm]

Impossible to top GunnGunn's tale of fecal mirth but :
Back in the '80's , my first wife 'n I were on holiday somewhere in Spain , I forget now . It was an exceptionally sultry , sticky evening . The sun was going down I recall . Our hotel was at the top of a hill , quite steep and bending the road was . We'd spent a few hours in the town doing the usual stuff and we were walking back , when she got a lightning strike of Montezuma's Revenge , and she needed the thunder box pronto , like yesterday ! She was paralyzed with cramps and couldn't walk , so I suggested she hop on my back and we'd double time it piggy back to the hotel ( I was fit then and I knew I could make the hill easy , despite the heat ) . Well , two hundred yards or so on my quest for porcelain salvation and boom... She dropped a bucket load of fizzy gravy all down my arse crack . I could feel it squidging as I ran . The shame of it ! I took my T shirt off , picked her up fireman's lift style , and covered her putrid posterior with it , and ran on up to our room , molasses running down my legs with each stride and liquid gold dribbling over my fingers on the back of her slippery legs . We stood with our backs to the wall in the lift , needless to say . I'm sure that anyone who saw us thought it was me with the prolapse problem , not her . The smell was , well , shall we say " memorable " .
How we laughed about it over the ensuing years . Good times .
Always breaks the ice at parties , that story .

Are you a writer? Because you should be.

[DiamondGooner]

I would not help my Mrs out in the same way he did. I admit it. Yuk.

Yeah pretty much this, I'd of just thrown her in a bush and told her to fend for herself.

[UFGN]

Had a dodgy curry last night.

Today I have been struggling with bowel movements and flatulence unbefitting of a gentleman.

Sphincter on red alert

[Cripps]

Yes

[UFGN]

I am on a bus and if it doesn't hurry up I am going to be live blogging an incident

[Git]

Your turd is a river of lava ready to rampage down the valleys of your cheeks.

Let it go UFGN, let it go.

[UFGN]

Live update from home sweet home. Im fine.


My toilet is not fine.

[Git]

Lol.

[Massa]

[Santi]

Can't believe at 23 I did it again. Last Wednesday out for drinks after work, go for a piss (about 7pm) and have a casual fart as i'm stood at the urinal.

Uh oh..

Yet decide to have another casual fart before trying to rectify the situation. Have to go in the cubical dry the boxers, turn them inside out and put them back on. Stuffed a load of tissue down there to protect my suit and my balls, the night continued until about 12am.

[Git]

Lol. Should have binned the boxers and plugged your box with tissue.