TL;DR: My sneeze almost betrayed me today.
I was sitting down at one of my friend's places shooting the shit after the workday and had to sneeze. I didn't think anything of it—we all sneeze, after all. So, I let out what I thought would be an innocent achoo, but to my dismay, a seismic event erupted in my lower orifice. The vibrations from my sneeze reverberated through my head, drowning out the noise from my fart, but I imagine it was rather high on the decibel scale, judging from my friend's reaction. Worst of all was the searing pain that shot down through my poop chute! It was as if I had ended up in a hellish dungeon, and my torturer relished in using a jackhammer on my anus.
Hastily, I excused myself to his bathroom to survey the damage, and luckily, I avoided chagrin since my fart was just gas! However, I may not be so lucky next time and may have to relinquish my record of having never shit on myself since infancy.
Wise words to live by: Never trust a sneeze.