Ever shit yourself before?

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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby LMAO » Wed Jun 27, 2018 5:54 am

TL;DR: My sneeze almost betrayed me today.

I was sitting down at one of my friend's places shooting the shit after the workday and had to sneeze. I didn't think anything of it—we all sneeze, after all. So, I let out what I thought would be an innocent achoo, but to my dismay, a seismic event erupted in my lower orifice. The vibrations from my sneeze reverberated through my head, drowning out the noise from my fart, but I imagine it was rather high on the decibel scale, judging from my friend's reaction. Worst of all was the searing pain that shot down through my poop chute! It was as if I had ended up in a hellish dungeon, and my torturer relished in using a jackhammer on my anus.

Hastily, I excused myself to his bathroom to survey the damage, and luckily, I avoided chagrin since my fart was just gas! However, I may not be so lucky next time and may have to relinquish my record of having never shit on myself since infancy.

Wise words to live by: Never trust a sneeze.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby UFGN » Wed Jun 27, 2018 9:57 am

LMAO wrote:TL;DR: My sneeze almost betrayed me today.

I was sitting down at one of my friend's places shooting the shit after the workday and had to sneeze. I didn't think anything of it—we all sneeze, after all. So, I let out what I thought would be an innocent achoo, but to my dismay, a seismic event erupted in my lower orifice. The vibrations from my sneeze reverberated through my head, drowning out the noise from my fart, but I imagine it was rather high on the decibel scale, judging from my friend's reaction. Worst of all was the searing pain that shot down through my poop chute! It was as if I had ended up in a hellish dungeon, and my torturer relished in using a jackhammer on my anus.

Hastily, I excused myself to his bathroom to survey the damage, and luckily, I avoided chagrin since my fart was just gas! However, I may not be so lucky next time and may have to relinquish my record of having never shit on myself since infancy.

Wise words to live by: Never trust a sneeze.


Ah, a Snart

A rare but devastating natural phenomenon
Corinthians 15:57; But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus

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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Losmeister » Thu Jun 28, 2018 2:32 pm

what is this? lmfao :rofll: :rofll:

the Goonersworld scatalogogical prose competition?

clowns. :clap: :1970_two_smileys_drinking_beer_together.gif:
Kai Havertz nutmegged ur GK
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Arsenal Tone » Thu Apr 11, 2019 7:21 am

Anyone see that poor bloke caught live on tv at a game. I'm not sharing the video cos I feel sorry for the bloke but his trumps any of our stories!
Ramsdale/Turner
White/???--Saliba/???--Gabriel/Kiwior--???/Zinchenko
Partey/Jorginho
Odegaard/Smith Rowe----???/???
Saka/Nelson-------------------Martinelli/Trossard
???/Jesus
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Phil71 » Thu Apr 11, 2019 7:34 am

I nearly got caught short years ago on holiday in the Greek islands.

I was standing outside a bar about 100 yards from the apartment I was staying in, when suddenly I had a massive urge. I had had the shits earlier in the day.

I put my beer down and minced off up the road as quick as I could, like one of those olympic speed walkers. I could have held a rizla paper between my arse cheeks they were clenched that tight. I had a pair of white trousers on as well.

Luckily I made it just in time.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby UFGN » Tue Jul 23, 2019 8:07 pm

Got a call from one of the supervisors at work today. Today is my day off.

Basically she knows I keep a pair of emergency briefs stuffed at the back of my pigeon hole at work.... she knows because I told her. I have spares of pretty much everything at work

Long story short, one of my colleagues did a massive shart. A "through and through" was how she described it.... eg it went through his briefs and through his trousers

I no longer have a spare pair of briefs at work. They have been reassigned
Corinthians 15:57; But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus

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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Dejan » Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:27 pm

A woman? Thats groce

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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby UFGN » Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:39 pm

Dejan wrote:A woman? Thats groce

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No she made the call but its not her who did the deed
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Zedie » Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:39 pm

UFGN wrote:Got a call from one of the supervisors at work today. Today is my day off.

Basically she knows I keep a pair of emergency briefs stuffed at the back of my pigeon hole at work.... she knows because I told her. I have spares of pretty much everything at work

Long story short, one of my colleagues did a massive shart. A "through and through" was how she described it.... eg it went through his briefs and through his trousers

I no longer have a spare pair of briefs at work. They have been reassigned


You better be coming back to a pack of 5 fresh emergency briefs at your desk when you get back in.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Est83 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 10:53 pm

Tony_Adams wrote:Anyone see that poor bloke caught live on tv at a game. I'm not sharing the video cos I feel sorry for the bloke but his trumps any of our stories!


Lineker?
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Arsenal Tone » Tue Jul 23, 2019 11:00 pm

Est83 wrote:
Tony_Adams wrote:Anyone see that poor bloke caught live on tv at a game. I'm not sharing the video cos I feel sorry for the bloke but his trumps any of our stories!


Lineker?
Think he was a WBA fan, was all over twitter
Ramsdale/Turner
White/???--Saliba/???--Gabriel/Kiwior--???/Zinchenko
Partey/Jorginho
Odegaard/Smith Rowe----???/???
Saka/Nelson-------------------Martinelli/Trossard
???/Jesus
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby LMAO » Wed Jul 24, 2019 8:03 pm

Zedie wrote:
UFGN wrote:Got a call from one of the supervisors at work today. Today is my day off.

Basically she knows I keep a pair of emergency briefs stuffed at the back of my pigeon hole at work.... she knows because I told her. I have spares of pretty much everything at work

Long story short, one of my colleagues did a massive shart. A "through and through" was how she described it.... eg it went through his briefs and through his trousers

I no longer have a spare pair of briefs at work. They have been reassigned


You better be coming back to a pack of 5 fresh emergency briefs at your desk when you get back in.


UFGN better stock up on Depends for the next emergency. Then people can go shitting all they want wherever they want.
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby Callum » Mon Jul 29, 2019 4:52 pm

UFGN wrote:Got a call from one of the supervisors at work today. Today is my day off.

Basically she knows I keep a pair of emergency briefs stuffed at the back of my pigeon hole at work.... she knows because I told her. I have spares of pretty much everything at work

Long story short, one of my colleagues did a massive shart. A "through and through" was how she described it.... eg it went through his briefs and through his trousers

I no longer have a spare pair of briefs at work. They have been reassigned

This had me in tears.

:rofll:
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Re: Ever shit yourself before?

Postby UFGN » Fri Jul 28, 2023 9:08 pm

https://youtube.com/shorts/InITX2kGVY0?feature=share

Graham's first post on GW

Poster if the month imo
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