The random joke thread

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Re: The random joke thread

Postby Özilfan » Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:59 pm

Pudpop wrote:
Sims wrote:studying at uni is overrated imo

doing a worthwhile degree is underrated imo


Spot on. I usually find those criticising University are stable geniuses who, being unable to get into a good University themselves, try and devalue studying in order to improve their fragile sense of worth.
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Re: The random joke thread

Postby Phil71 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 1:57 pm

Bloke goes in the butchers and says, "Have you got a sheep's head?"

"No," says the butcher, "It's just the way I do my hair."
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Re: The random joke thread

Postby Phil71 » Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:06 pm

Stevie Wonder is playing an intimate gig in a small Tokyo club, and toward the end he asks if anyone has any requests. A Japanese man at the front calls out, "Play a jazz chord."

"OK," says Stevie, and knocks out a bit of jazz on the piano.

When he's finished, the man shouts out, "No, no, you Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord."

Thinking the man wants more, Stevie goes again with a jazz riff. At the end the man seems more irate. "NO NO NO," says the man, "You Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord, A JAZZ CHORD."

Stevie is a bit taken aback by the man's exasperation, and says, "Sir, why don't you come up and sing while I play."

The delighted man climbs onto the stage and takes the mic from Stevie. He clears his throat, and sings, " A jazz chord, to say, I love you..."
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Re: The random joke thread

Postby Phil71 » Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:45 am

Murphy goes to visit Paddy in hospital, and finds him wrapped from head to toe in bandages.

"Jesus Paddy, what happened ya?"

"Ah ''It was awful..., I was walking minding my own business, when a truck came onto the pavement and knocked me through a big glass window."

"Sure that's terrible.... it's lucky you were wearing all those bandages, or ye'd have been cut to ribbons."
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Re: The random joke thread

Postby Phil71 » Tue May 07, 2019 6:48 pm

The Reverend John Phlapps is the pastor in a small town. One day, as he's walking through town, he sees one of his female parishioners, a well known alcoholic, propping up the bar in the local saloon. He goes in and, taking her arm, he suggests that she's had enough, and should let him see her home. She turns toward him, staggers, and falls on him. He tries to catch her, and they end up in a heap on the floor, - her with her legs open and him laying between them on top of her.

"Hey!' Cries the bartender, "We'll have none of that in here! "

"You don't understand," says the reverend, "I'm pastor Phlapps."

"Ah hell," says the bartender, "If you’re that far in you may as well finish her off."
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