To the tune of Rasputin by Boney M.
Lyrics need a bit of work but the premise is pure genius. Phonetically it fits perfectly and the song is originally about a Russian love machine.
Ar-Ar-Arshavin
Lover of the Arsenal team
He hates the Yids and Man U as well.
Ar-Ar-Arshavin
Russia's greatest goal machine
Give him a vodka and everything's swell.