The Vomit Files

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The Vomit Files

Postby UFGN » Thu Feb 20, 2014 4:30 am

Three years after this promise, posted in the 'Ever shat yourself before' thread......

UFGN wrote:.. But i'll save that for another thread. I think good vomming stories are a specialist subject of their own. Theres another one thats so grim i still gag when i think about it, 12 years later. It happened on a night bus..... :?


Here it is.....

Travelling home from a night out on a night bus, now 15 years ago, I was both witness to, and victim of, an event which I will be scarred by until the day I die.

About halfway through the hour long ride home, about 3am. The bus was about half full and I was sitting halfway down the top deck. There was a young Eastern European man, obviously extremely drunk, passed out and sitting slumped in the front seat.

He woke up from his stupor, leant over to his side, and threw up all over the floor, his seat, and the front panel under the window. On and on and on it went. At least five heaves. It was gruesome.

The people sitting nearest to him scattered like frightened rabbits, most of them down the stairs to avoid the river of puke, and by now, also the smell, which had ripped through the upper deck like a wildfire.

To make matters worse, the bus then started to climb a hill, causing the newly formed river to flow further down the gangway. Meanwhile, the man himself, having completed his one man Niagra Falls, promptly sat back down in his own puke and went back to sleep.

Now I had a dilemma. Night buses are few and far between, and it was very cold. I could flee, or I could sit it out and get home sooner, hoping the bus driver didn't take the bus out of service. I was still deciding what to do, when my mind was abruptly made up for me.

Vomit man stirred again from his slumber. He stood up, then sat back down again..........

Then he shat himself.

There was no mistaking that this had occurred. If the smell of the vomit had been like a wildfire, this was a herd of galloping wilderbeast tearing through the soul of every man left on that upper deck. As one, everyone abandoned ship, rushing for the stairs while trying to avoid the huge puddle of sick near the top. I had my face buried in my jumper as I bolted down the stairs. The bloke behind me was unsuccessful in his attempt to avoid the puke and slipped, falling down the stairs and taking out another bloke as he fell.

By this point the bus had stopped and someone had pushed the door button. I burst onto the pavement, in a scene that I can only imagine must have resembled Tim Robbins in Shoreshank Redemption, when he crawls through the sewer to freedom and escapes by jumping into the river.

I joined about three others in coughing by own guts up at the side of the road. None of us resented the wait for the next bus. It was just good to be free and breathing fresh air.



.......now, this story actually has a sequel. But thats quite enough for now!
Corinthians 15:57; But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus

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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby whee » Thu Feb 20, 2014 6:56 am

This is a beauty, a great story of pukey antics. Fair play to the fella.

I remember having a couple of hours on the tequila, after a good lager session about 8 or 9 years ago. Smashing back the tequila's, cracking night. We leave the pub via the fire exit rear door, as the front door has been locked. Down the steps and onto the main road.

Fresh Air Sniper took a pot shot at me, boom - right in the gut. Down I went, up I got, spinning out a little. I felt a stirring in my stomach, I know already i'm in trouble here - I take aim away from the pub, down the road.... It was as if the switch had been turned on a high-power pressure washer. A 12 foot stream quickly left my gob and ended up on the path in the distance. It seemed to last forever.

Still never shat myself though, winner!
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby Massa » Thu Feb 20, 2014 10:52 am

Epic
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby Dejan » Thu Feb 20, 2014 10:58 am

lol
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby ThereIsBearCüm » Thu Feb 20, 2014 12:15 pm

Got f***ing slaughtered at a new year's party at my ex-girlfriend's house and threw up in the pool. We were 18 at the time, so she was still living with her parents. Needless to say they weren't too fond of me after that.
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby Est83 » Thu Feb 20, 2014 11:50 pm

:clap:

Thoroughly enjoyed that!
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby EvAMY-CRAIGLEEAFC » Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:40 pm

I feel weird that i enjoyed that story so much.
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby ivan itchybum » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:27 pm

Got sick 8 times at a party once, then started a fight with the girls, dads friend. Was only a young lad at the time. Spent half the night with my face down a wheely bin puking my ring up.

Good times :)
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby UFGN » Fri Jul 28, 2023 9:30 pm

UFGN wrote:Three years after this promise, posted in the 'Ever shat yourself before' thread......

UFGN wrote:.. But i'll save that for another thread. I think good vomming stories are a specialist subject of their own. Theres another one thats so grim i still gag when i think about it, 12 years later. It happened on a night bus..... :?


Here it is.....

Travelling home from a night out on a night bus, now 15 years ago, I was both witness to, and victim of, an event which I will be scarred by until the day I die.

About halfway through the hour long ride home, about 3am. The bus was about half full and I was sitting halfway down the top deck. There was a young Eastern European man, obviously extremely drunk, passed out and sitting slumped in the front seat.

He woke up from his stupor, leant over to his side, and threw up all over the floor, his seat, and the front panel under the window. On and on and on it went. At least five heaves. It was gruesome.

The people sitting nearest to him scattered like frightened rabbits, most of them down the stairs to avoid the river of puke, and by now, also the smell, which had ripped through the upper deck like a wildfire.

To make matters worse, the bus then started to climb a hill, causing the newly formed river to flow further down the gangway. Meanwhile, the man himself, having completed his one man Niagra Falls, promptly sat back down in his own puke and went back to sleep.

Now I had a dilemma. Night buses are few and far between, and it was very cold. I could flee, or I could sit it out and get home sooner, hoping the bus driver didn't take the bus out of service. I was still deciding what to do, when my mind was abruptly made up for me.

Vomit man stirred again from his slumber. He stood up, then sat back down again..........

Then he shat himself.

There was no mistaking that this had occurred. If the smell of the vomit had been like a wildfire, this was a herd of galloping wilderbeast tearing through the soul of every man left on that upper deck. As one, everyone abandoned ship, rushing for the stairs while trying to avoid the huge puddle of sick near the top. I had my face buried in my jumper as I bolted down the stairs. The bloke behind me was unsuccessful in his attempt to avoid the puke and slipped, falling down the stairs and taking out another bloke as he fell.

By this point the bus had stopped and someone had pushed the door button. I burst onto the pavement, in a scene that I can only imagine must have resembled Tim Robbins in Shoreshank Redemption, when he crawls through the sewer to freedom and escapes by jumping into the river.

I joined about three others in coughing by own guts up at the side of the road. None of us resented the wait for the next bus. It was just good to be free and breathing fresh air.



.......now, this story actually has a sequel. But thats quite enough for now!



Nine years on.....

Who wants to hear the sequel?
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby VCC » Sat Jul 29, 2023 12:38 am

Go for it lol
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Re: The Vomit Files

Postby Rockape » Mon Aug 07, 2023 4:19 pm

Go on then..... :popcorn:
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