With the kids scoring for fun in mid-week it was up to the big boys to show what they could do against newly promoted Hull City. Hull manager Phil Brown had already seen his side punch above their weight by beating Fulham, drawing with Everton and battling for a point in a difficult away day at Blackburn.
We lined up with Almunia taking his usual place in goal. Sagna, Toure, Gallas and Clichy made up our back four. Denilson and Fabregas continued their partnership in midfield with Walcott and Eboue were deployed on the wings. Up front it was the usual pair of Adebayor and Van Persie.
The first half saw plenty of chances for us, we just didn’t want to take any of them. We did have the ball in the net at one point only for ‘referee’ Alan Wiley to tell us something was wrong with it. Adebayor rose high above the ginger headed Paul McShane and nodded the ball home. According to the rags today it was for a push which I never saw and I don’t intend on watching the replays again to say either way. Watching that would be like catching your Mrs in bed with Tom Huddlestone then watching a video of it, no-one needs to see this game again. In actual fact I think there is very little need for it to be ever mentioned again.
Anyhow, Walcott had a glorious chance for us to take the lead. Denilson played him in with a perfectly weighted pass. Theo sped through the Hull defence like Usian Bolt riding a cheetah while both were high on coke. Unfortunately for us some dirty yid has a brother called Andy who just happened to put a perfectly timed tackle on Theo just as he was about pull the trigger to put the ball away. Scum.
Another opportunity presented it’s self to young Master Walcott, Eboue put the ball on a plate for Theo and a first time volley would have done the trick. Theo took a touch and tried for a half volley which just wasn’t going to work at all. It never and the chance was gone.
The first half did have some decent chances but overall I thought it was very poor. The passing just didn’t seem to come off for us at all but there was 45 minutes left so off we pop to the second half.
Just after half time Hull showed they weren’t just in The Grove to make up the numbers by crafting a great chance. After a corner was whipped in a deflection in the box helped it on to Boateng who was lurking just outside the area. His shot took a deflection and with Almunia clearly beaten we all wiped a few beads of sweat off the old brow as it ended up flying over the bar.
Walcott showed the speed of the cheetah/Usain Bolt/coke/Concorde concoction when the broke down the right. Theo cut it back, the ball hit off Ade and was forced across the line b Fabregas. Certain media outlets claim this to be and OG by the ginger headed Paul McShane, I don’t think it was therefore I give to goal to Cesc. 1-0, floodgate time yeah?
With us finally taking the lead we had our tails in the air, swagger back ready to trample these tramps. The Pers had some nice skills in the box, dragging his man about like Gazza did his ex Mrs before stabbing a shot with the outside of his boot. Everything about it was perfect apart from the finish which ended up going out of play at the keepers near post. Least it was exciting if anything.
Ade should have made it 2-0 as well when he latched onto a defensive error, might have been from the ginger one, might not have been I just like slagging the guys general ginger-ness. His shot ended up skied over the bar to my disgust. Shameful this Ade fella, can’t even score against the likes of Hull, hang him! That last comment was tongue I cheek by the way and I think the big man’ll be on form come Tuesday...or we'll hang him!
Things were going not too shabby when the disaster happened. Geovanni the fa… fill the rest in yourselves picked the ball up about 30 odd yards out and as soon as it left his foot I knew it was in. There was absolutely nothing Almunia could do as the former Barca player’s shot whizzed past him like he stole Usain Bolt’s cheetah and strapped the ball to it. Good goal, unfortunately against us.
The next four minutes could be the worst of this year and that’s including heading that full Madonna and Justin Timberlake song which also happened to be called 4 minutes. Our defending was as dirty and whorish (is that even a word?) as Madonna. Cousin who for some reason was called Cooozan up North had a shot deflected wide and from the resulting corner nodded home. William Gallas. Why? He sold himself like a cheap prostitute and let us get bum raped by Cooozan/Cousin. With so much being made this week of our defensive record from set pieces it was clear with Hull playing two big guys up front we were going to have problems. We did.
With 30 minutes, including stoppages, still on the clock I was fairly confident we could create a glorious comeback and we would all leave The Grove happy as the proverbial pig in poo, go to a local watering hole and return to our women and children happy as Lords.
I became slightly disillusioned when Arsene brought on Bendtner and whipped off Eboue. In my humble opinion we should have brought on the saviour of the new world Carlos Vela. With his midweek heroics he would surely have still been on a high. When Vela finally made and entrance for he almost levelled things up. Gallas almost made up for his defensive crap by hammering a header which bounced off the bar. Vela was caught on his heels when the ball landed at his feet, in fairness it probably came a bit too quickly to him and it was pure agony as the ball went wide.
In further insult to injury Hull could have made it three though Marlon King. If the former Watford player wasn’t reaching 500 with no pace left he would have finished the game. Instead his zimmer frame caused him to slow down and Clichy sorted it out.
In the four minutes stoppage time there was a barrage of chances which came to nothing.
Painful day all round for Gooners and you’ll probably have been better stabbing yourself than reading this, the pain would have been less.