The random joke thread

[VCC]

Apple announced today the development of a microchip that can be implanted into a womens breast and play music.The i-tit will cost $399 and is regarded as a major breakthrough as women are always moaning that men just stare at their tits and never listen to them.

[Plymouth Gooner]

A pissed bloke in a pub staggers up 2 a bird & slurs,
"Duck my sick".
The girl sighs & says,
"Dont u mean suck my d!ck?
Bloke throws up all over her & says.......
"nope"

[EvAMY-CRAIGLEEAFC]

HA-HA i will use that one.

[gzagee]

Two cats were having a debate; one called Cat one, two, three and the other called Cat un, deux, trois.
They decide between themselves to see who's the quicker and most superior cat by having a swimming race over the channel. Who won?


Cat one, two, three because un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq

[Trequartista]

Following the two cagey 1-0 friendly wins over Norway and Belgium, England have been moved up to 6th in the FIFA Word Rankings...

[EvAMY-CRAIGLEEAFC]

Knock knock
whos there ?.
Wooh
Wooh who ?.
Singing like that get on X-Factor.
Another one my daughter told me to put on.

[Zenith]

[djaxster]

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "I came first in the Olympics and they gave the medal to the twat on my back."

[djaxster]

Class

[djaxster]

BREAKING NEWS!!! BREAKING NEWS!!! BREAKING NEWS!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!
Van Persie fails medical at Man Ure due to a back problem caused by carrying Arsenal for the past year..

[Bergkamp64]

Politically Incorrect ...
I was devastated to learn that my wife was having an affair , but by turning to religion , I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing . I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning .

My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers , so I did . She's 21 and her name's Lucy .

Went to the pub last night with my girlfriend . The locals were shouting " paedophile " and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50 . It completely ruined our tenth anniversary .

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand job . I said " Son , that's three schools this year . You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether " .

Question .. Are there too many immigrants in England ? 17% said yes , 11% said no , and 72% said " Please I am not understanding question sir " .

The cost of living has gotten so bad now that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries .

A man calls 999 and says " I think my wife is dead " . The dispatcher asks " You think your wife is dead ? How do you know ? "
" Well " says the man " The sex is the same but the dishes are piling up "

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die , you get reincarnated , but you must come back as a different creature . She said " I'll come back as a cow " I said " You obviously haven't been listening "

My wife has been missing for over a week now . Police said that I should prepare for the worst . So I had to go back to Oxfam and buy her clothes back .

Apple have shelved plans for a child friendly iPod after being advised that iTouchKids is not a good product name .

There's a new Muslim clothing store just opened up in town , but they threw me out after I asked to look at some of their bomber jackets .

The Red Cross just knocked on our door and asked if we could contribute towards the Pakistan floods . I said we'd love to , but our garden hose only reaches the end of the drive .

[pawiel]

Arjen Robben misses penalty in PES 2013 trailer

[Zenith]

Arjen Robben misses penalty in PES 2013 trailer

How appropriate!

[Zenith]

[GSK_AFC]

LOL what a save.